I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize