so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize