A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
