my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
