i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
