Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
