ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
