You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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