It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
