Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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