you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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