What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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