Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
