So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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