pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
