hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
