Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
