how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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