Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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