Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize