like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
