Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize