Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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