dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
