'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
