I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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