Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ok first of all what the fuck
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