I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
