also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
