who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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