First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
