Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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