well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
