but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
