You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
