Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize