marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone shattered a urinal.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
