she was so not down for the gang bang
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
