TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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