Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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