I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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