Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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