I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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