They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
