The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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