I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
