It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
