remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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