No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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