My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
