Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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