seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
