I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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