Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
