good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
