I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
