I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
