She is in my trunk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
