im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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