she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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